Published in THE NEAPOLITAN ONLINE

They say you are what you eat, but we all know the truth: You are what you wear. Our style experts have compiled this handy guide so when you ring in YEAR 102 SINCE THE DEATH OF OUR ETERNAL LEADER, you know you’re making the right statement.

Beaded or Sequined – Glitz and glam can be gaudy, but on New Year’s Eve NO ONE BUY DRESS EVERYONE WEAR SAME DRESS.

Black Lace – Romantic, elegant, you’re wearing black ON REASON EVIL NATION AND RUSSIA AND JAPAN IS ALSO. IF PURE LIKE KOREA, WHITE IS GOOD TO WEAR ONLY.

Peplum Cocktail Dress – Clearly a vintage doll, KIM IL-SUNG, IS BEAUTIFUL AND KNOWING.  HIS OPERA THE FLOWER GIRL TOO.  LISTEN AND APPLAUSE last thing you want to do is ring in a new year.

Ball Gown – As if your fairy NO BALL DROPPING PERFECT PEACE VILLAGE. EVERYTHING VIRTUE GOOD SHARE like Cinderella, fleeing from Prince Charming.

Strapless A-line – This flirty silhouette speaks volumes about COMMUNISM IS WORLD MAKING GOOD.  Pair with stilettos for a look that KIM JONG-UN SUPREME LEADER.

– Cassandra GUARDIANS OF PEACE LeFleur